A night to remember: Jan's living wake
Much loved wife, mother, grandmother, friend and sister - Jan Warnock touched hearts wherever she went. She wanted to make sure cancer did not get the last say.
It was 2015 and Jan Warnock wanted to go somewhere in Cairns where she could have a glass of wine and good conversation with her girlfriends. She found nowhere quite right - so decided to open up her own small bar, one of the first in the city back then.
The wine bar was a huge success and epitomised Jan’s generous, larger-than-life personality, as she loved talking to customers and creating a warm atmosphere.
“Jan was a personality that one never forgets; full of life, excitement, joy and opinionated. Her flaming red hair was a warning for others,’’ her brother-in-law, Jason, says.
“Jan did it her way.”
Jan’s inimitable style was on full display at her last party, her living wake, in November 2023. She had chosen to have VAD and her family encouraged her to have a send-off to remember.
It just shows how much courage she had.
Aged 68, Jan had battled cancer intermittently since she was in her 30s, when she had melanomas removed.
Being a ‘fighter’, Jan carried on despite the complication of lymphedema in her left leg, playing tennis, working as a teacher and home stylist and raising two boys with her husband Julian.
She received a huge blow when at age 61, she was told the cancer had returned in her ovaries and it was Stage 4.
Her initial prognosis was 18 months but she lasted more than six years, partly due to successful chemotherapy but also her tremendous will, says Julian. She continued her home styling business, embarked on overseas travel and explored every available treatment.
“Even though she had that diagnosis she just kept pushing along. It just shows how much courage she had,’’ Julian says.
Eventually, Jan needed palliative care to manage her worsening symptoms, and decided to apply for Voluntary Assisted Dying (VAD).
“The VAD was a decision Jan made by herself,’’ Julian says.
“She’s a very strong-willed person and liked to do things her way. It wasn’t until she was satisfied that was what she wanted to do, that she told me.”
Once Jan was approved she set a date, and had the difficult task of telling her adult sons Mitchell, now 39, and Angus, now 37. They were devastated as Jan was adept at hiding how unwell she was.
Not having to organise a funeral took a lot of pressure off.
When Jan said she did not want a funeral, Mitchell insisted his mother have a final party as she was loved by so many people.
It was decided Jan’s living wake would be held the night before her VAD day. The family organised a warehouse space and caterers and 90 people attended, some who flew in or interrupted holidays to be there. There were speeches, tributes from Angus and Mitchell and even a gentle, affectionate roasting.
“It was a great send-off. Not having to organise a funeral took a lot of pressure off the family,’’ Julian says.
“We couldn’t have done that without VAD as we had the dates and times.
“It was such a fun night, and that’s what Jan wanted. Jan thought she’d only last an hour at the party but she lasted more than two hours, in typical Jan style.” Jan, who attended in a wheelchair, also found the strength to give her farewell speech.
On the VAD day, the immediate family had breakfast and Jan asked for each member to come in separately to say her goodbyes.
“That was hard,” Julian says.
“She was the only happy person. She was the one in control - the rest of us weren’t doing great. When the time came she was relaxed and passed peacefully.”
Julian admits his initial reaction when Jan told him she had chosen VAD was “shock”. But he can now see the wisdom of her decision.
“Death is the last thing you want to happen. You hold out hope that something will come along [to change that]. But I knew then that she was terminal,’’ he says.
“It made every sense - to be able to be at home, to be in control, capable of making decisions and having family around her.”
On Jan’s birthday in September last year, the family hiked up to Glacier Rock lookout, with its spectacular views of Cairns and its coastline, to spread her ashes.
“I wake up and look at it every day.”