'She lived fully until she couldn't'
After her 50th birthday, Geelong mother-of-two Sharon Kirwood received a letter offering a free breast screen. She was told the results were “all clear”.
The next year she visited her GP after discovering a lump in her left breast. After tests, she received the devastating diagnosis of stage four cancer that had spread to the lung, lymph nodes, liver and bone.
Sharon underwent a year of chemotherapy before stopping to focus on quality of life and symptom control.
In October 2023, with the cancer widespread and progressing, she visited the regional VAD care navigator.
Her husband Wayne said that although Sharon always looked relatively well, her quality of life was deteriorating. She had a six-month prognosis.
“She was a very active woman; she loved walking and being out in nature. She never disengaged from life, but she didn’t want her family to see her suffering in her bed,” he said.
“She lived life fully, until she couldn’t.”
Sharon was approved for VAD and arranged admission to a palliative care hospice in her local area.
She wrote a letter, read out to staff at the hospice so they could better understand her choice, detailing her physical symptoms.
I have cried many rivers of tears over these anguishes
“Most days I struggle with breathlessness, a heavy compressed chest, sleeplessness during the night even though I feel absolutely exhausted, headaches, cold hands and feet, body chills, lightheadedness, weak, fatigue, metallic taste in my mouth, leg cramps, bloating, sharp liver pain, inflamed liver causing other organs to be squashed, stomach pain, nausea, one blurring eye, sensitive skin to touch, tender cancerous lesions protruding from my body."
She also wrote about the emotional pain of knowing her family were watching her deteriorate, and that she would have to leave them.
“I have cried many rivers of tears over these anguishes.”
Sharon described VAD as an “easy decision” once she had researched the option. She had first learnt about VAD by seeing Go Gentle founder Andrew Denton on television, speaking about his father's traumatic death and determination to fight for VAD laws.
“Having an option to die with dignity whenever that may suit me is a gift, a precious gift I am eternally grateful for,’’ she wrote.
Wayne said Sharon was also influenced by watching an uncle have a protracted and painful death, unable to have VAD because pain medications took away his capacity.
“It was everything her uncle didn’t want. They were very close and she did not want to go down that path,’’ he said.
We spent a lot of really good quality time together.
Sharon chose the date, June 20, 2024. Sharon and Wayne’s two children and their partners were present.
“We spent a lot of really good quality time together. We played cards and talked,’’ Wayne said.
On the day, the hospice reserved a dedicated area for the family to be together.
They went for a walk around the gardens, had a game of cards, and a morning tea, which by chance had one of Sharon’s favourite treats, a lemon meringue tart.
Sharon was highly organised, planning her own funeral and on the day, mixing the VAD substance herself.
She died, telling her family: “You’re always in my heart”.
Wayne said: “We were all around the bedside holding her hands and expressing our feelings. It was beautiful.
“My daughter said it well - that the memories of that day are that ‘it was a sad day, but not a bad day’. It was a special moment.”
Wayne was motivated to tell Sharon's story so that other people know about VAD as an option.
In his home state of Victoria, doctors are not allowed to raise VAD with patients, known as the 'gag clause'. This is also the case for South Australia.
"It’s silly that doctors can’t say that it’s an option. If someone is dying and is going to suffer they need to know about it."