She never felt like she was alone
When Helen Evans was diagnosed with terminal lung cancer in 2024, she decided she did not want to die gasping for air.
Her daughter Kellie tells her story.
“When Mum was diagnosed with terminal lung cancer she mentioned voluntary assisted dying (VAD) straight away to her doctors. She was always interested in politics and current affairs and had followed the debate over the VAD laws in various states.
She wanted to have that option up her sleeve because my father died 17 years ago from a terrible lung disease, pulmonary fibrosis.
We saw him gasp for air for weeks on end which was horrific. Every minute was so slow with him being unwell and in hospital. It was scary for him, and for us too.
Mum didn’t want to go through that.
She also wanted to pass in the comfort of her own home with her loved ones around her. The alternative was the unknown of slowly suffocating.
Given mum’s extreme illness - she only had days or weeks left - the application was pushed through in 10 days. Relief was what we felt.
There was no sugar coating it.
We felt like we were listened to, and mum was treated with so much dignity and respect with her decision.
The pharmacists were so gentle and sat with us and explained it all.
There was no sugar coating it. They said, ‘this will end your life’, and made it clear it was not just an escape from pain.
That was obviously very emotional but that was mum’s wishes. Once they left the medication at home - mum then had the control.
Mum got her lungs drained to relieve the pressure a little and said she would wait until it was horrendous. It was five days later that she decided the day was the day.
It was Tuesday July 30, 2024.
Having us all around was a comfort.
Mum’s family came down from Tamworth the day before to say goodbye.
We live on the waterfront in Lake Macquarie and Mum wanted to be in her bed, with the blinds open.
She was ready. She didn’t want any further gasping for air. She was very much at peace and comfortable in her decision. She knew what was happening.
And having us all around was a comfort, myself and my brother Kurt, her sister and brother. I mixed it. For me, I was relieved once she was at peace.
It was a good ending knowing she was no longer in pain and no longer had the thoughts of how this disease was going to get worse and end her life; the unknown. Finally Mum had control of a terrible situation.
Six months on, it’s sitting so much better for me.
It was hard for me thinking I handed her the drink. But it was her decision and I understood why. It’s hard to get your head around. But that’s death in general.
I was forever grateful for our doctor and the team. He came and visited mum at home, and was always available if we needed anything.
She did it the way she wanted to.
Mum never felt like she was alone.
I now finally feel I know the words to say; and can start to talk about it.
In the eulogy I used the word ‘courageous’, about mum. She was a dedicated wife and mother, and a good neighbour, who loved her home and garden.
She had very generous, ‘old school’ values. She did it the way she wanted to.
It was the right thing to do."